Essay Evaluation #3
Directions: Take everything you have learned in this section and provide comments (strengths and possible improvements) on the following essay. Then post your comments in the forum: Essay Evaluation #3.
Essay: Money Changes Lives
Prompt: After watching a few of the Lottery Changed My Life videos, write an essay about what you would do if you won or received $20,000,000 (twenty million dollars) today. Address questions like:
-How would my life change?
-What would I buy?
-How much would I save?
-Would I share it with anyone?
If I won a lot of bucks that would be the best time EVER! Right now I am the student so I have no money duh but if I won the money that would be an odd story. I would be happy for a win of five dollars but twenty million would be every better. Where do I start with what I would do with the number of money like that?????????????
If I won the sum I first would travel back to my home place of Norway. Except I would not go lonely. I would bring my brother. He is also hear studying at the school. Together we will go together and will visit surprise our parents even we just saw them at the holidays when school was not in. I would also bring a friend or too since I want friends to learn about Norway and the type of life that us Norwegians have. I love that life but I love my American life too, don’t think I’m joking of course not.
In Norway, my brother and I would go to the house of our parents. If they looked home, we would go inside. If they looked not home, we would hide somewhere and wate. Then we will go instead and say “We are hear and we are rich!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I would say how I won a lot of money (or found it, whatever) and they will be smiles for me.
I would by things many if I was a big pot holder. After Norway, I would get a dog. But not any dog, a specual dog that protects me. I will need Dog like this then because people will know I have the all money from when I won. Next, if my guard dog needs a friend, I will get him a friend dog. Then they can play together when school is in since no one or dog wants to be solo.
My birthday near the corner so after dogs I would throw a wide party gathering for my friends. Where is it do you ask? Whell, the zoo! I will buy food for my friends that everyone likes like chips and cake and some specual Norwegians food too. Krissy will eat that she is Norwegian like me and my bro. As a treat and to gratitude to the zoo for having my party rest on it, I buy food for the animals too. But I don’t know what to buy them now, so I PAY someone to find out.
Promise to save the major of the money use when I am older and wise for school right now I am learning. In the future, my brother, and I, will fish a lot and then cook the fish so we don’t spend the money. It is important to save and be mind of your money so it runs not out duh!
Prompt: After watching a few of the Lottery Changed My Life videos, write an essay about what you would do if you won or received $20,000,000 (twenty million dollars) today. Address questions like:
-How would my life change?
-What would I buy?
-How much would I save?
-Would I share it with anyone?
If I won a lot of bucks that would be the best time EVER! Right now I am the student so I have no money duh but if I won the money that would be an odd story. I would be happy for a win of five dollars but twenty million would be every better. Where do I start with what I would do with the number of money like that?????????????
If I won the sum I first would travel back to my home place of Norway. Except I would not go lonely. I would bring my brother. He is also hear studying at the school. Together we will go together and will visit surprise our parents even we just saw them at the holidays when school was not in. I would also bring a friend or too since I want friends to learn about Norway and the type of life that us Norwegians have. I love that life but I love my American life too, don’t think I’m joking of course not.
In Norway, my brother and I would go to the house of our parents. If they looked home, we would go inside. If they looked not home, we would hide somewhere and wate. Then we will go instead and say “We are hear and we are rich!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then I would say how I won a lot of money (or found it, whatever) and they will be smiles for me.
I would by things many if I was a big pot holder. After Norway, I would get a dog. But not any dog, a specual dog that protects me. I will need Dog like this then because people will know I have the all money from when I won. Next, if my guard dog needs a friend, I will get him a friend dog. Then they can play together when school is in since no one or dog wants to be solo.
My birthday near the corner so after dogs I would throw a wide party gathering for my friends. Where is it do you ask? Whell, the zoo! I will buy food for my friends that everyone likes like chips and cake and some specual Norwegians food too. Krissy will eat that she is Norwegian like me and my bro. As a treat and to gratitude to the zoo for having my party rest on it, I buy food for the animals too. But I don’t know what to buy them now, so I PAY someone to find out.
Promise to save the major of the money use when I am older and wise for school right now I am learning. In the future, my brother, and I, will fish a lot and then cook the fish so we don’t spend the money. It is important to save and be mind of your money so it runs not out duh!
Remember to post your comments (strengths and potential improvements) in the forum: Essay Evaluation #3.